And Another Hilarious Conversation

From the book
The Case of the Missing Bird Dog
By John R. Erickson

The Setting:
Hank and Drover are looking for Plato, who is a highly trained Bird Dog.
Along the way, they start to get chased by an angry mother hog, and get separated.
Slim the Cowboy comes in and chases away the mother hog and Hank goes looking for Drover.

I glanced around for Drover. At first I saw no sign of him, but then my keen eyes picked up a flash of white on the other side of the thicket. I moved to get a better look and saw...... hmmmm... the hiney and stub tail of a dog sticking up, only the front half of his body was.... missing.
Holy smokes had the wild hog taken a slash at little Drover and cut him in half? That certainly expected to be the case. I rushed over to the spot, expecting to see a ghastly scene, with hair and gore with puddles of blood.
Hank: Drover, don't move, you've been cut in half! Lie still and don't try to talk. Where's your head?
Drover: I'm not sure, everything's dark.
Hank: You're losing consciousness. Fight it, Drover, Try to stay awake. I've got to find your head. Do you have any idea where it went?
Drover: Well...
Hank: Just lie still and don't talk. If I can find your head, maybe we can stick you back together and save you.
Drover: I think my head's in here with me.
Hank: Oh, good. For a minute there I was afraid it had rolled off somewhere. Don't give up hope, son. Modern medicine performs miracles every day.
Drover: Help! The darkness is closing in!
Hank: Fight it, Drover. Don't give up. Can you give me  some hints? If your head is there with you, just tell me where you are.
Drover: Well, lets see. I think I'm in a hole.
HUH?
It was then that I noticed... did you think that Drover had been cut in half? Ha, ha. No, if he'd been cut if half, we wouldn't have been carrying on a conversation, see, because...
He'd dug the top half of his body into a sand hole, is what he'd done, and to a casual observer it might have appeared that...well...the lower half of his body was just... standing there. Without a had. Or shoulders or front legs.
End of Chapter.

Another Hilarious Conversation with Hank the Cowdog

From:
Every Dog Has His Day
By John R. Erickson

Setting:
Hank has just finished making his rounds all over the ranch, and decides to go to bed on his gunnysack bed. Drover is there, asleep, but with one eye open, and that eye is going around in circles.


Hank: "You should have someone look at that eye, Drover. There's something wrong with it."
Drover: "Tdlsmdsg wengivans with dngndkl."
Hank: "That may be so, but that doesn't alter the fact that it goes around in circles. Speaking of circles, did you make your patrol? I want a full report on the conditions on the eastern quadrant of headquarters. Might as well get it over now, before I go off duty."
Drover: "Humlum morkin reskiffering sardines."
Hank: "And you're positive about that?"
Drovers other eye slid open and he stared at me.
Drover: "Where am I?"
Hank: "That depends on your location Drover. Once you get that figured out the rest should be falling into place. Now where were you the last time you remembered?"
Drover: "I don't remember."
I flopped down on my gunnysack and released my grip on the world.
Hank: "That's one of your problems son. You need to work on your memory. Memory is very crucial to success in the secrurity business. Try it again, and this time, concentrate."
Drover: "Okay. What am I concentrating on?"
Hank: "You're concentrating on trying to remember."
Drover: "Oh. Remember what?"
Hank: "Remembering where you were the last time you were somewhere."
Drover: "Boy, that's a tough one."
Hank: "Yes, but I don't need to remind you that you need some toughening up. Go ahead and scuffle with it and when you come up with an answer, wake me up."
Drover: "You're going to sleep?"
Hank: "Not entirely. Though it may appear that I'm falllllliiinnnggg aaazzzzzzlllllleeeeepppp twdgdds senfdls with murgle skiffer."
Drover: "Oh good. It sure gets boring around here when I have to think and remember. Now lets see. Where was I the last time I was somewhere?"
Hank: "Lorken tonsils skiffer murgle skuffle pork chops."
Drover: "No, I don't think so, becaus that would have made it Saturday, and Saturday was the day all the clouds came over wasn't it? Clouds sure are pretty."
Hank: "Humlum morkin reskiffering sardines."
Drover: "Sometimes I wish I could be a cloud, just float around all day and take naps and skiffle murgle chicken bone."
Hank: "Mumlummm loosh."
Drover: "Looshy sfgsfed dfkgsnrd,m."
Hank: "Zzzzzzzzz"
Drover: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

End of chapter

The Hilarious Conversations Of Hank The Cowdog

I have just finished reading a book called "The Adventures Of Hank The Cowdog" written by John R. Erikson, and I read this really funny conversation between Hank and his sidekick, Drover.

Hank: Drover, something fishy is going on here.
Drover: Yeah, and I love fish. Everything except the scales and bones. I ate a scale once and got choked.
Hank: Scales are used for weighing fish. You should never eat the scales. Did you actually chew it up and swallow it?
Drover: Oh yeah, but then it got hung up in my throat.
Hank: I'm not surprised. Those things are big.
Drover: Yeah, but catfish don't have any scales.
Hank: Well, in a sense you're right, Drover, but in another sense you're wrong. You see, technically speaking, the scales belong to the people who catch the fish, not the fish themselves. Hencely, you're correct in saying that catfish don't have any scales, but neither do.... name some other kind of fish.
Drover: Well lets see. There's a big fish and a little fish.
Hank: exactly, and because of the vast difference in size between your big fish and your little fish... I see to have lost the thread of this conversation.
Drover: Needles?
Hank: Ah yes. For every needle in this life, there is a thimble waiting to push it through the fabric of society....why are you crossing your eyes at me?
Drover: I don't know; I guess I'm confused. I don't know what we're talking about.
Hank: Well neither do I, so just be quiet.
Drover: Okay.
Hank: There you go again! You are talking! You know Drover, you just can't keep your mouth shut. Unlike me, I can keep my mouth shut for years at a time, why I have even been known to....
(Hank hears Drover snoring.) Drover? Drover! Wake up!
(Hank scoffs and lies down.) Oh, well. I could use a nap myself.

End of chapter.